Friday 30 October 2009

Nearly at the finishing post!

As of today I have just under 5lb left to lose-though I am hoping and praying that a bit more weight comes off before Monday morning.

When I last wrote on here I was right about totm. It came the same day! I am enjoying 810 again, but I am really looking forward to going up to 1000. I really think I'm ready for it. Of course I could go up to it now if I wanted to-but I do want to get to goal on 810 first. I know that as I go up my weight loss will slow down a lot more so I can't risk it when I'm so close. Having much more trouble drinking the water at the moment-could be because I'm on a week's holiday at the moment. It's so much easier when I'm at work to get it down. That said, I am at least managing to get the minimum recommended amount inside me if nothing else.

Tried on some jeans in Next yesterday. Never expected to get into the size 12, though they fitted easily-and were probably just a bit big round the waist. Couldn't quite get into the 10-perhaps it was because they were boyfriend jeans and did up round the tummy and not the waist. Seems like I'm the perfect size 11! Not bad for jeans though-I normally have to wear at least one size bigger in jeans, so for me to be anywhere near to fitting into a pair in a 10 is brilliant. Tried another of Claire's dresses on from Jane Norman. Another size 8 and it fits! I'm loving being able to feel my bones! This feeling has to overcome my cravings-this has to be miles better than how eating a packet of crisps or a bar of chocolate makes me feel.

Wish I could be at my goal in the next 10 days or so, but I bet it will be at least another 3 weigh-ins before I am. I had quite a good week last week, so I never have 3 good weeks in a row. I've only lost 1 1/4lb so far this week. I could do with making it at least 2lb. I'd be happy with that.

Friday 23 October 2009

Feeling gloomy

Feeling a bit fed up right now. Think totm is due any time so that's probably why I'm walking around like I have a big, black cloud over my head. Finally got into the 9's-only for the scales to go up by 1/2lb over the last couple of days and land me back at 10 stone again. I shouldn't be so demoralised by the scales going up-after all I'm still the same size as I was yesterday-but I am. I can't help it. I'm 7lbs away from goal and it might as well be 7 stone again. I just feel like it's taking forever now. I should have been at goal this week if I had good losses, but they've been so shit lately that I'll be lucky to be at goal by December.

It makes me really nervous about eating again. If it's so bad on 810 what on earth is it going to be like at 1000, 1200, 1500? I wanted to be free of this diet for Christmas-I can't follow it on holiday and I didn't want to have to come back to it afterwards. I still don't. I know I'm going to have to up my exercise, but I don't want to be forever exercising just to keep the weight off either. I'm getting scared now. I want to tone up too-hopefully I might lose a few more inches in the right places if I do that. Why can I never be satisfied with how I look? I'm never going to be perfect and I'm never going to love myself. I really thought that I was heading for a better loss this week, but it seems like it's going to be just as bad as the last few weeks have been. I'll show a good loss on my CDC's scales this week anyway, because it's half term and I'm being weighed at 10am rather than after work.

Claire is hopefully going to bring her salopettes for me to try on as my other one's are soooo huge now. I could nearly fit both legs into one of the legs of those! Even my size 12/14 jacket was way too big for me.

Tuesday 20 October 2009

Still not in the 9's yet....

I've been 10 stone something for 7 weeks now and I'm starting to get pretty pissed off with it. I've had 3 bad attacks of IBS, plus totm which has reduced my weight loss considerably. Last month I lost a measly 7lb. This week, for the first time ever, the scales showed a sts. I just want to get into the 9's now and show a 6 stone loss finally. I have just over 7lb to lose now, but I don't have long before Christmas and our holidays to lose it and move up the plans. I'm starting to get cravings again now-don't know if it's because my totm is due again and it's making me hungrier. I'm debating whether to have another frozen tetra just this once and hoping it won't make a difference. I've had a bar this morning and a tetra plus my chicken tonight-but my 3rd pack would have been the chicken and mushroom soup that I used as a 'stuffing'. I don't know what to do-I want to ignore the craving, but I feel hungry. I think I'm better to give in to a craving for a tetra rather than head for the crisps and sweets. If I get to having just a couple of pounds to lose before our holiday I might move up to 1000 cals and do more exercise. I need to be off this and on my own-I can't be affording this for too much longer.