Friday 23 October 2009

Feeling gloomy

Feeling a bit fed up right now. Think totm is due any time so that's probably why I'm walking around like I have a big, black cloud over my head. Finally got into the 9's-only for the scales to go up by 1/2lb over the last couple of days and land me back at 10 stone again. I shouldn't be so demoralised by the scales going up-after all I'm still the same size as I was yesterday-but I am. I can't help it. I'm 7lbs away from goal and it might as well be 7 stone again. I just feel like it's taking forever now. I should have been at goal this week if I had good losses, but they've been so shit lately that I'll be lucky to be at goal by December.

It makes me really nervous about eating again. If it's so bad on 810 what on earth is it going to be like at 1000, 1200, 1500? I wanted to be free of this diet for Christmas-I can't follow it on holiday and I didn't want to have to come back to it afterwards. I still don't. I know I'm going to have to up my exercise, but I don't want to be forever exercising just to keep the weight off either. I'm getting scared now. I want to tone up too-hopefully I might lose a few more inches in the right places if I do that. Why can I never be satisfied with how I look? I'm never going to be perfect and I'm never going to love myself. I really thought that I was heading for a better loss this week, but it seems like it's going to be just as bad as the last few weeks have been. I'll show a good loss on my CDC's scales this week anyway, because it's half term and I'm being weighed at 10am rather than after work.

Claire is hopefully going to bring her salopettes for me to try on as my other one's are soooo huge now. I could nearly fit both legs into one of the legs of those! Even my size 12/14 jacket was way too big for me.

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